The Boob Tube

I don’t have cable. Instead, I feed off whatever crumbs the tv gods throw me. Typically, these are two channels. Chanel 11 and Channel 22. Which is UPN and TBS respectively.

Yesterday, I was watching football which turned into Andrew Agassi losing valiantly to Roger Federer(I used the word “valiant” in 5th grade to describe a play someone made during a stickball game with Pat Wolan and his older brother. They made fun of me forever for that one. I guess you’re not supposed to use fifty cent words in 5th grade. Still, I think it was a valiant play.) After the tennis match, it became Ocean’s 11.

And during Ocean’s 11, I started to see a lot of commercials. And two of these commercials made very very annoyed.

#1 There is to be a show on CBS. It is to be called the Ghost Whisperer. And Jennifer Love Hewitt is to star as said Whisperer of Ghosts. There are so many things wrong with this show. Is it because it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt? Who many moons ago, I was a fan of—but that was the Jenny Love Hewitt who was actually Bailey’s Love Sarah on Party of Five.

This was before IKWYDLS(I Know What You Did Last Summer) and the predictable ISKWYDLS(I Still Know…). Before we knew she could sing and before she released an album that none of us listened to after she let us know she could sing.

This was before she dated Carson Daly and before we all forgot about her except for the occasional gracing of the cover of Maxim.

Until now. When she is set to play a girl who is able to hear ghosts and wouldn’t you know it? Some ghosts are bad and some ghosts are good but it’s up to the ghost whisperer to know which is which.

BLECH.

I’ll prolly watch it.

#2 The weather satellite now known as Doppler Million radar. What the? You see, this used to be known just as Doppler radar. And then it got souped up into Doppler 2000. But now it is has ridiculously jumped to Doppler Million radar.

What does the Million stand for? You got me. I thought the 2000 was for the year two thousand but now that blows my theory to shreds. Maybe it cost a million dollars. But it sure sounds stupid anyway you slice it.

And who watches weather reports based on the name of the satellite? If anything, you’d not watch it based on such a stupid name. Which is what I’m going to do. I’m boycotting one of the three channels I get just because of Doppler Million. Take that!

That’s so heroic of me. It’s like I’m Prince Valiant or something. Sorry. Just trying to use that word now that Pat’s big brother isn’t around. (Sidenote: Prince Valiant is the most snooze-ville comic ever. Mary Worth is more exciting.)