Marvelous Nathan Haggler: A Bed Time Story

[I am going to regale you with a fascinating bed buying story. Enjoy!] After ten years, I finally decided my old bed was finally worn out. So I asked her for the ball, and tapped my left arm and to the bullpen, signalling for… (a left handed bed? This metaphor has become confusing) a new bed. Sorry, I’m in a baseball mood right now. In any event, I set about to buy a new bed. I was going to just 1-800 Mattress it but then I decided I wanted to try it out beforehand. So I went to Sleepy’s. The place was a ghost town. I was the only customer.

And the sale started. First off, I was a little concerned how quickly the saleswoman changed the price for me. I knew going in that it was going to be all about haggling. But I hate that. There’s nothing less I’d like to do in the world than to engage in that timeless art. But she seemed like she wanted to, so I indulged her. Here were a couple of power moves of mine:

“I want to get a queen size this time, but the full price is more what I was thinking to spend.” To which she responded with, “What if I give you the queen for the full price?” Sure lady, what not?

And then, “Hmmm… I like the Sealy more than the Kingsdown, but it’s quite a price difference.” The saleslady, “What if I give the Sealy for the Kingsdown price?” I see no reason to argue with this.

And finally, my big move which wasn’t even a power move on mine. None of these were. But I asked her if I could have her card, b/c I wanted to go have lunch and think about it. She said, “What is it going to take for you to not go have lunch right now?” I said, well, getting the frame and free delivery/removal of old mattress would be nice. And so it was done.

I signed on the dotted line. Because I am a Shelkey, I couldn’t resist investigating into my buyer’s remorse. There was a mattress by the same brand on 1800 that seemed to be the same price maybe even cheaper. But there’s the thing—the Mattress Manufacturers and stores are evil. They make the same mattress but call it different names for different stores. So the one you looked at Macy’s might be called the Posturpedic Satin Finish Pillowtop. And then the one at Sleepy’s is called the Posturpedic Shiny Finish Funtop. (It was not actually called this, but if given the choice, I would buy the Funtop.) So I still don’t know if it was a good deal or not. I mean, I talked her down about four hundred some dollars but I didn’t even really try.
—————————–
Further drama, on Sunday when they delivered the bed. I got Jake in the bathroom but didn’t get ‘Bert in time when the delivery dudes came in. They didn’t listen to me when I said wait, and ‘Bert got out. First time he’s been free his whole life! He scrambled down like two floors and started making these horrible yowling noises. A man came out and asked me if my cat was alright. I said he was, he was just scared. Which he was. By the time I got ‘Bert back into the apartment and into the bathroom, he was pretty frightened. After the delivery dudes left, and I opened the bathroom door again, ‘Bert didn’t came out for two hours.

It just goes to show you how bullies really are wimps. ‘Bert is such a tough dude normally. Bullying Jake, and being feisty. But he got real shy, real quick. Still, maybe that’s because Jake seems like he might be autistic. Who knows? All i know is everything’s fine right now and I am crossing my fingers that ‘Bert isn’t eating my new comforter and sheets that I just bought. Time will tell.