There is a picture up on the bulletin board in my lobby at home. There’s printing above his picture. It reads: parole violator. Looking at it, I thought the guy did look familiar. Then I realized why. It’s the guy who lives across the hall from me. After crystalizing this(that works right? I can say that and not seem too fruity, right?), it makes me think, oh yeah, I haven’t seen him around in some time.
My mom has wanted me to know who my neighbors were before. I assured her I was not going to do that. I know most of them by their faces and yeah, we say hi to each other. And actually, strangely, some of them seem to know my name. How? I don’t believe I ever said. And now, I’m glad I don’t know. This guy across the hall, maybe he would have knocked on my door to ask me to let him hide out for a few days. Or for some cash. Or kidnap me. Or something. But now if he wanted to do that it would be a lot harder. He couldn’t knock on the door and say, “Nate, it’s Yaz, let me in!” Now he has to say, “Hey dude! You don’t know me but I live across the hall! Let me in! I’m wanted by the police! I want to kidnap you!” Maybe he wouldn’t say “I want to kidnap you.” If you were a kidnapper, that would be a dumb move. I’m not trying to help kidnappers, I’m just saying. There are certain DO’S and DON’T’S to it.
DO–wear a mask
DON’T–show your face
DO–disguise your voice
DON’T–say your name
DO–kidnap someone rich
DON’T–kidnap someone who’s homeless
You know? Anyway, if guy-who-lives-across-the-hall is reading this, know this, I will NOT retrieve contraband items that are you in your apartment. I will NOT be your human shield after you’ve retrieved contraband items. Also, if you are planning on being a kidnapper read the tips above here again.
I don’t even know what he’s on parole FROM though either. He could be like a harmless like I don’t know, tax evader. Hmmm… that could be a great video game that the IRS should make. Tax Evaders! Who’s with me?
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